Missing you for over 4 months!!

I just can't believe it.  It has already been over four months since William left us here and joined our Lord in Heaven.  Many days I have trouble believing and accepting William's departure is real.  I ask myself, "How can it be real that this perfect, healthy little boy was taken from his parents who cared and loved for him so much?"  It is not supposed to happen this way!  I do find myself angry at times.  I'm not sure who I'm angry at, if anyone.  I just get upset that William is no longer hear with us.  It's tough knowing how selfish that is, knowing that William is being cared for far beyond what Misty and I could.  It doesn't make it easier for Misty and I.  

It has been about four weeks since I have made time to sit down and write.  I wish I would do this  more often, but there is always so much going on.  Maybe we need to slow down a little bit?  Even though it's been a month since I've wrote there isn't any amount of time that goes by without thinking and missing our smiling, little guy.  Many "events" have happened in the past four weeks as well.  It's been somewhat a roller-coaster.  William's first birthday came on 6/10.  Fathers Day was exactly a week later.  Ryan & Cristen's wedding the following week.  Just yesterday it was one year since William was baptized into the Holy Spirit.  

Cemetery Gathering to release balloons

William's first birthday was bittersweet to say the least.  It was wonderful to think how awesome our lives became one year ago as we welcomed William into this world.  We were such proud parents that day, but nothing compared to how much more proud we were each and every day of William's life.  It was just an amazing time for our family that sunny Friday in June 2011.  It was tough facing memories of that joy without William by our sides.  I have a tough time calling it a celebration, because we were far from celebrating on William's first birthday.  I feel it was more of a memorial as we remembered and talked about William at length with family & friends.  William sure would have loved all the people here to be with him on his birthday.  We started that Sunday morning with family & friends in church.  After church we traveled to the cemetery with friends & family joining us to release balloons in William's memory.  That was nice with everyone writing William a message on their own balloons.  I am sure William felt the love of everyone joining in that event.  After the cemetery we traveled back home for a grill-out with all of our friends & family.  It was a nice day, but there was certainly something big missing!  

We have had much of my family around the past few weeks which has been nice.  I know they are missing William too, and it's been nice being together through so many of these events.  With spending more time with Isaac lately, I can see in him how much he misses his little companion.  Isaac will often pick out, or point to pictures of William and I can feel his sorrow as well.  It would be so awesome to see how those two would be literally running around with one another.  Misty's family has been so supportive through all of this as well.  

Yesterday we picked our William's grave stone.  That's something I certainly didn't plan doing on the 1-year anniversary of his baptism.  It definitely brought some deeper emotions!  I think we picked out a stone that will look very nice and be a nice memorial to William.  

Speaking of the anniversary of William's baptism ... another event we will hold onto the memories forever.  As already mentioned, Misty and I were very proud parents.  The one thing we are most proud of is introducing William to the Lord in his short life.  I am at peace knowing William was a child of God.  Through baptism William experienced newness of life in God and all of his sins were forgiven.  

William ... you have no idea how much we miss you.  Our hearts continue to ache for you.  You brought an abundance of joy and smiles to our lives we miss each and every day.  We have so many wonderful memories & pictures, but there is nothing that will ever compare to having you in our arms.  I love you little peanut!!  

"We have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life" (Romans 6:4)

"What should we do?" And the apostles answered, "Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38)