Missing you for over 4 months!!

I just can't believe it.  It has already been over four months since William left us here and joined our Lord in Heaven.  Many days I have trouble believing and accepting William's departure is real.  I ask myself, "How can it be real that this perfect, healthy little boy was taken from his parents who cared and loved for him so much?"  It is not supposed to happen this way!  I do find myself angry at times.  I'm not sure who I'm angry at, if anyone.  I just get upset that William is no longer hear with us.  It's tough knowing how selfish that is, knowing that William is being cared for far beyond what Misty and I could.  It doesn't make it easier for Misty and I.  

It has been about four weeks since I have made time to sit down and write.  I wish I would do this  more often, but there is always so much going on.  Maybe we need to slow down a little bit?  Even though it's been a month since I've wrote there isn't any amount of time that goes by without thinking and missing our smiling, little guy.  Many "events" have happened in the past four weeks as well.  It's been somewhat a roller-coaster.  William's first birthday came on 6/10.  Fathers Day was exactly a week later.  Ryan & Cristen's wedding the following week.  Just yesterday it was one year since William was baptized into the Holy Spirit.  

Cemetery Gathering to release balloons

William's first birthday was bittersweet to say the least.  It was wonderful to think how awesome our lives became one year ago as we welcomed William into this world.  We were such proud parents that day, but nothing compared to how much more proud we were each and every day of William's life.  It was just an amazing time for our family that sunny Friday in June 2011.  It was tough facing memories of that joy without William by our sides.  I have a tough time calling it a celebration, because we were far from celebrating on William's first birthday.  I feel it was more of a memorial as we remembered and talked about William at length with family & friends.  William sure would have loved all the people here to be with him on his birthday.  We started that Sunday morning with family & friends in church.  After church we traveled to the cemetery with friends & family joining us to release balloons in William's memory.  That was nice with everyone writing William a message on their own balloons.  I am sure William felt the love of everyone joining in that event.  After the cemetery we traveled back home for a grill-out with all of our friends & family.  It was a nice day, but there was certainly something big missing!  

We have had much of my family around the past few weeks which has been nice.  I know they are missing William too, and it's been nice being together through so many of these events.  With spending more time with Isaac lately, I can see in him how much he misses his little companion.  Isaac will often pick out, or point to pictures of William and I can feel his sorrow as well.  It would be so awesome to see how those two would be literally running around with one another.  Misty's family has been so supportive through all of this as well.  

Yesterday we picked our William's grave stone.  That's something I certainly didn't plan doing on the 1-year anniversary of his baptism.  It definitely brought some deeper emotions!  I think we picked out a stone that will look very nice and be a nice memorial to William.  

Speaking of the anniversary of William's baptism ... another event we will hold onto the memories forever.  As already mentioned, Misty and I were very proud parents.  The one thing we are most proud of is introducing William to the Lord in his short life.  I am at peace knowing William was a child of God.  Through baptism William experienced newness of life in God and all of his sins were forgiven.  

William ... you have no idea how much we miss you.  Our hearts continue to ache for you.  You brought an abundance of joy and smiles to our lives we miss each and every day.  We have so many wonderful memories & pictures, but there is nothing that will ever compare to having you in our arms.  I love you little peanut!!  

"We have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life" (Romans 6:4)

"What should we do?" And the apostles answered, "Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38)

Memorial Day With New Meaning ...

Baptism

Growing up I always anticipated Memorial Day for several reasons.  It signaled the end of the school year, a three day weekend, the unofficial start of summer ... what was not to like about all of that?  As I became older and more mature I realized it was a day to remember all of the service members who paid the ultimate price protecting our freedom.  Now, there is so much more meaning to Memorial Day for Misty and I this year and for the rest of our lives here on Earth.

Memorial Day this year will be a time to remember our precious child William.  There are so many wonderful things to remember ... including his smile!  I think about all the fun we had together as a family.  We shared so many laughs together.  William brought so much joy to our lives, it is hard not to reflect and thank God for how He blessed us with his presence, ever short as it was.  

With all of the delightful remembering, it's hard not to reflect on what things would be like if William was still with us.  I am certain he would be motoring around all over the place non-stop.  I can hear him say his first words.  I can picture him running around playing with his cousins.  I can imagine him running through our yard as I planted the garden this spring.  It is easy to picture William beside us in everything Misty and I still do today.  At the same time, through what our gracious Lord has taught us it is easy to picture William enjoying all that heaven offers.  William is free from sin and has escaped what a cruel place Earth can be at times.  William is also in the presence of so many others that have passed before us who we are also remembering this weekend ... presumably keeping them light on their feet.

On Friday Misty and I laid a family picture at William's grave before leaving town for the weekend.  It was hard driving away, wishing the little peanut was in the back seat all exciting for the long weekend.  Words can't express how much we miss William every single day.  It is hard to imagine thinking about William more than I already do, but this Memorial Day and every one to come will be a special day for Misty and I as we pay tribute to our amazing son.  

John 14: 1 - 6

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.”  ⁵ Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”  ⁶ Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. ⁷ If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

Purpose ...



William's Unforgettabe Smiles

 William's Smiles ...I cannot believe it has been 2 1/2 months since our little peanut left this Earth, called by our Father to his heavenly home.  What a crazy ride of emotions!  So many questions and so few answers.  I have been thinking of writing about William and his sudden, unexpected death for a while.  I haven't done it until now because I haven't made time, and I didn't know exactly what I would say.  I still don't know what I am going to write, other than to simply pour out all thoughts that are going on in my head as it relates to the suffering we are experiencing without William here on Earth with us any longer. 

I am looking forward to sharing all of the things that made William's life so amazing.  Despite only 8 1/2 months of life, it was filled with so many great moments.  From being baptized to going to church as a family and tailgating to swim lessons; William was lucky to experience so much in only a few months.  I don't know if he's the lucky one, or if it's Misty and I for having all of these wonderful memories.  I have thanked God so many times for what we were blessed with.     

I will use this blog to share updates on our efforts to memorialize William's amazing life.  We are currently planning an Angel of Hope statue to be placed in the City of Chanhassen.  We will be planning fundraising events to help support the costs of this memorial, and I will likely share updates regarding the thoughts and idea's surrounding fundraising as well.    

William's Smiles ... why that name for this blog?  William's smile is what I think of most often.  His smile was unforgettable!  Every time I think about him smiling I smile a little bit myself, and then shed a tear.  That is how I picture reactions to this blog ... smiles & tears.  

 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
                                            Psalm 139: 13 - 14