One year later ...

WOW, where did the last year go?

So, this past Wednesday was the year anniversary of William leaving us for a better place.  I still can't put into words the emptiness we feel every day, some days worse than others.  I can't believe how quickly a year goes by any more.  I don't know if that's good, or bad?  This past year has been a roller coaster.  Mostly sad moments, and mising our little peanut.  However, there are still bright spots when I see pictures or think about all the wonderful memories we have to hold onto.  I thought this immediately after William died, and I'm even more convinced today ... that I would not change a single thing of our time we had with William, even if I knew it was limited.  No regrets, and that makes me feel great!

Wednesday was very much similar to how our year has been, all rolled up to one day.  Definately some sad moments, but the outpouring of support from our friends and familiy helped us make it through the day.  William was on our minds from the moment Misty and I woke up.  We talked about him, and remembered ... We got some things done around the house, ran some errands and had lunch together.  After lunch we grabbed Bailey and visited William's gravesite ~ yet another sad moment.  Throughout the day we heard from so many that held us up in prayer and in their thoughts; through Facebook, texts, emails, calls.  It was truley remarkable everyones outpouring of support!  The evening was spent with friends & family gathering at our new house for dinner and conversation.  We displayed several images of William, and included a slideshow of his pictures on our TV display.  It may have been a little overboard, but I don't care ... this was William's Day!  All in all, it was a nice day of remembering William, and nice to spend it together (not working ... too much) and with friends and family. 

A couple other updates ... we sent a note to many friends and family 'launching' William's Wings Foundation and letting them know about our fundraising golf even in June.  There will be a website & facebook page published soon.  Stay tuned for more information on that!  We are excited about honoring William while raising money to help others in our unfortunate situation. 

We are excited about introducing a new member of our family in the coming weeks!  We know William will be an awesome big brother, taking care of all of us from above.     

Thank you all for continued prayer through our healing.  We continue to miss William dearly, not a moment goes by he is not on our minds.  Until we meet him again in Heaven ...

     John 16:22 So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.

Time Flies ... thoughts remain every moment

Wow, I can't believe it's been nearly 7 months since I last posted.  Furthermore, I can't believe it's been nearly 11 months since we held our beautiful child.  I still follow many other blogs regularly, and I've thought about writing a few times.  I guess now is the first time I've made a point to sit down and share my thoughts again.

Many thoughts and emotions have passed through my mind the past 7+ months, especially going through our first holiday season childless after having the most wonderful holiday season in 2011 with William.  Misty and I both dreading the holidays, especially Christmas not having William with us.  After all, Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus.  It's supposed to be a time of great joy and family.  Instead, thoughts of William so close and our desire to have him with us the strongest since the days after he passed.  Of course, we managed to make it through the holidays even though we wish we could have just skipped it this year.

Backing up a few months ... We FINALLY received William's gravestone in mid-October.  While it was certainly a sad moment, somewhat a final decision for our son William, Misty and I were very pleased how it turned out.  Inside of me I really wanted to show off how great it looked, but also realized how others may react to someone showing off their sons gravestone.  I don't feel there's anything wrong with showing off in this blog, so I have included a picture ...



After the the New Year passed, we diligently began working on a foundation that is to be in honor & memory of William.  As of 1/14/13 William's Wings Foundation is a recognized corporation in the State of MN.  The Foundation has 8 board members and has already held our first meeting.  On 1/18/13 Form 1023 was submitted to the IRS to obtain our 501(c)(3) designation as a charitable tax-exempt status.

The purpose of this foundation is:

• ·          to provide hope, healing, help and hopefully smiles again to families grieving the loss of a child for any reason;
• ·          to purchase a Christmas Box Angel Statue and erect a monument to serve as a beacon of hope and remembrance for families who have lost a child;
• ·          to provide financial support to recognized Section 501(c)(3) organizations who conduct research, education, and informational activities related to sudden unexpected infant deaths;
• ·          to provide financial support to recognized Section 501(c)(3) organizations who provide support and encouragement to families grieving the death of an infant or young child; and
• ·          to advocate for the health and survival of all children. 

I am very proud of of how far, how quickly we've come with our organization thus far and couldn't do it with out the support of our board.  I am excited to see the wonderful things we will be doing in William's name & honor.

      

      Our main fundraising even will be a golf tournament to be held in June, on the 17th.  Now with the organization set up we will be busy planning and soliciting donations for our event.  More details will be released on our website & a Facebook page will be created as they are nailed down.  

      

      Also new since my last post ... Misty and I received some AWESOME news that she was pregnant with our second child that will arrive in the beginning of April.  As you can imagine, it was VERY bittersweet news for us.  While we were very excited about another child, it brought up emotions of missing William so much again and wanting to share this wonderful news with him.  William is supposed to be a big brother!  William would have been an AWESOME big brother!  So far Misty has been doing great, aside of being tired, and the baby is doing well.  Her doctor has been wonderful, and very sensitive to our situation.

      The last piece of big news since my last post includes a new house!  Misty and I signed paperwork on a new build last July.  We moved out of our previous house Labor Day weekend and have been living with Misty's Mom, and my brother & sister-in-law (and of course Isaac) AND friends Ryan & Cristen for nearly 5 months.  It will be wonderful to move into our new house, but it will be different being alone again after being with family the past 5 months.  Also, moving into a new house, unpacking all of William's items will be more sad moments.  How great would it be for William to be running around a new, bigger house?  We can only imagine ... One bit I am excited about is creating somewhat of a memorial to William within our new home.  Even though he's not with us in life, William will certainly have a presence in our new home.  

      

      That mostly catches up our feelings the past few months.  A few exciting things, many bittersweet moments, and several sad moments as we continue to miss our sweet son.  He remains with us in our hearts every moment of every day.  What I wouldn't do to hold him right now ...    

Angel Of Hope - Maple Grove, MN  (12.6.12)

    

P                          Psalms 30:5 …Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Missing you for over 4 months!!

I just can't believe it.  It has already been over four months since William left us here and joined our Lord in Heaven.  Many days I have trouble believing and accepting William's departure is real.  I ask myself, "How can it be real that this perfect, healthy little boy was taken from his parents who cared and loved for him so much?"  It is not supposed to happen this way!  I do find myself angry at times.  I'm not sure who I'm angry at, if anyone.  I just get upset that William is no longer hear with us.  It's tough knowing how selfish that is, knowing that William is being cared for far beyond what Misty and I could.  It doesn't make it easier for Misty and I.  

It has been about four weeks since I have made time to sit down and write.  I wish I would do this  more often, but there is always so much going on.  Maybe we need to slow down a little bit?  Even though it's been a month since I've wrote there isn't any amount of time that goes by without thinking and missing our smiling, little guy.  Many "events" have happened in the past four weeks as well.  It's been somewhat a roller-coaster.  William's first birthday came on 6/10.  Fathers Day was exactly a week later.  Ryan & Cristen's wedding the following week.  Just yesterday it was one year since William was baptized into the Holy Spirit.  

Cemetery Gathering to release balloons

William's first birthday was bittersweet to say the least.  It was wonderful to think how awesome our lives became one year ago as we welcomed William into this world.  We were such proud parents that day, but nothing compared to how much more proud we were each and every day of William's life.  It was just an amazing time for our family that sunny Friday in June 2011.  It was tough facing memories of that joy without William by our sides.  I have a tough time calling it a celebration, because we were far from celebrating on William's first birthday.  I feel it was more of a memorial as we remembered and talked about William at length with family & friends.  William sure would have loved all the people here to be with him on his birthday.  We started that Sunday morning with family & friends in church.  After church we traveled to the cemetery with friends & family joining us to release balloons in William's memory.  That was nice with everyone writing William a message on their own balloons.  I am sure William felt the love of everyone joining in that event.  After the cemetery we traveled back home for a grill-out with all of our friends & family.  It was a nice day, but there was certainly something big missing!  

We have had much of my family around the past few weeks which has been nice.  I know they are missing William too, and it's been nice being together through so many of these events.  With spending more time with Isaac lately, I can see in him how much he misses his little companion.  Isaac will often pick out, or point to pictures of William and I can feel his sorrow as well.  It would be so awesome to see how those two would be literally running around with one another.  Misty's family has been so supportive through all of this as well.  

Yesterday we picked our William's grave stone.  That's something I certainly didn't plan doing on the 1-year anniversary of his baptism.  It definitely brought some deeper emotions!  I think we picked out a stone that will look very nice and be a nice memorial to William.  

Speaking of the anniversary of William's baptism ... another event we will hold onto the memories forever.  As already mentioned, Misty and I were very proud parents.  The one thing we are most proud of is introducing William to the Lord in his short life.  I am at peace knowing William was a child of God.  Through baptism William experienced newness of life in God and all of his sins were forgiven.  

William ... you have no idea how much we miss you.  Our hearts continue to ache for you.  You brought an abundance of joy and smiles to our lives we miss each and every day.  We have so many wonderful memories & pictures, but there is nothing that will ever compare to having you in our arms.  I love you little peanut!!  

"We have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life" (Romans 6:4)

"What should we do?" And the apostles answered, "Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38)

Memorial Day With New Meaning ...

Baptism

Growing up I always anticipated Memorial Day for several reasons.  It signaled the end of the school year, a three day weekend, the unofficial start of summer ... what was not to like about all of that?  As I became older and more mature I realized it was a day to remember all of the service members who paid the ultimate price protecting our freedom.  Now, there is so much more meaning to Memorial Day for Misty and I this year and for the rest of our lives here on Earth.

Memorial Day this year will be a time to remember our precious child William.  There are so many wonderful things to remember ... including his smile!  I think about all the fun we had together as a family.  We shared so many laughs together.  William brought so much joy to our lives, it is hard not to reflect and thank God for how He blessed us with his presence, ever short as it was.  

With all of the delightful remembering, it's hard not to reflect on what things would be like if William was still with us.  I am certain he would be motoring around all over the place non-stop.  I can hear him say his first words.  I can picture him running around playing with his cousins.  I can imagine him running through our yard as I planted the garden this spring.  It is easy to picture William beside us in everything Misty and I still do today.  At the same time, through what our gracious Lord has taught us it is easy to picture William enjoying all that heaven offers.  William is free from sin and has escaped what a cruel place Earth can be at times.  William is also in the presence of so many others that have passed before us who we are also remembering this weekend ... presumably keeping them light on their feet.

On Friday Misty and I laid a family picture at William's grave before leaving town for the weekend.  It was hard driving away, wishing the little peanut was in the back seat all exciting for the long weekend.  Words can't express how much we miss William every single day.  It is hard to imagine thinking about William more than I already do, but this Memorial Day and every one to come will be a special day for Misty and I as we pay tribute to our amazing son.  

John 14: 1 - 6

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.”  ⁵ Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”  ⁶ Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. ⁷ If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

Purpose ...



William's Unforgettabe Smiles

 William's Smiles ...I cannot believe it has been 2 1/2 months since our little peanut left this Earth, called by our Father to his heavenly home.  What a crazy ride of emotions!  So many questions and so few answers.  I have been thinking of writing about William and his sudden, unexpected death for a while.  I haven't done it until now because I haven't made time, and I didn't know exactly what I would say.  I still don't know what I am going to write, other than to simply pour out all thoughts that are going on in my head as it relates to the suffering we are experiencing without William here on Earth with us any longer. 

I am looking forward to sharing all of the things that made William's life so amazing.  Despite only 8 1/2 months of life, it was filled with so many great moments.  From being baptized to going to church as a family and tailgating to swim lessons; William was lucky to experience so much in only a few months.  I don't know if he's the lucky one, or if it's Misty and I for having all of these wonderful memories.  I have thanked God so many times for what we were blessed with.     

I will use this blog to share updates on our efforts to memorialize William's amazing life.  We are currently planning an Angel of Hope statue to be placed in the City of Chanhassen.  We will be planning fundraising events to help support the costs of this memorial, and I will likely share updates regarding the thoughts and idea's surrounding fundraising as well.    

William's Smiles ... why that name for this blog?  William's smile is what I think of most often.  His smile was unforgettable!  Every time I think about him smiling I smile a little bit myself, and then shed a tear.  That is how I picture reactions to this blog ... smiles & tears.  

 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
                                            Psalm 139: 13 - 14